From our Sunday service on February 4, 2024, Ephesians 5:21–6:9, the third message in a short series on putting off the old man and putting on the new. Watch the full message: A Lifestyle of Living Love on YouTube.
This is the third message in a short series on putting off the old man and putting on the new. Ephesians was written about AD 60 to 62 by Paul, while he was imprisoned in Rome. In Ephesus was the Temple of Artemis, one of the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World, dedicated to Artemis, also known as Diana. Artemis was the goddess of fertility and the hunt, and the rituals and ceremonies reflected that, with events filled with animal sacrifice, alcohol, ritualistic dances, seduction, and opportunities for wealth and passion. A shame of this passage is that it has been misused by people throughout history to be cruel, specifically toward women. It was written to a group of people who indulged in Artemis worship, where all of the religious leaders were women, and to a culture in which women were expected to do different things and were required by law to do certain things. The idea in this passage is submission as an act of love.
Under the Same Rank
Submission is not normally associated with love. Even in the Greek, submission is a military term that means to come under rank, the way a soldier must obey a general or a sergeant. A church is not supposed to be a bunch of generals. It is supposed to be a bunch of soldiers who submit under the same leadership of Christ. Don’t be individualistic. In America that’s our natural state. We are taught from a young age that when you’re 18, you move out of the house, you get on your own, don’t expect anybody to help you, be your own person. But Paul says that as a church we need to be unified in the body. This passage shows several categories where submission needs to take place on both ends. The wife submits by respecting him as the leader of the family, and the husband submits to the wife through love. Children submit to their parents through obedience, and the parent submits to the child by not provoking the child to wrath. The employee submits to the employer through obedience, and the master submits to the employee by treating him with respect, forbearing threatening.
A Culture Unfriendly to Women
One thing we need to understand about this culture is that it’s Roman, which means very specific laws. One of them was the paterfamilias, the rule of the father. In the Greek culture the father had absolute authority over his family. If his kids were bad, he could kill them if he wanted to. He had the ultimate authority over the kids and over the wife. Here’s a quote from Cicero: “Our ancestors in their wisdom considered that all women, because of their innate weakness, should be under the control of guardians.” This culture was not friendly toward women. Demosthenes also said, “We have courtesans for the sake of pleasure, we have concubines for the sake of daily cohabitation, and we have wives for the purpose of having children legitimately and being faithful guardians of our household affairs.” To the people of Ephesus, who grew up in this cult of Artemis, marriage was nothing more than a legally binding arrangement that gave your children legal status in Rome. They could go to the concubines for daily comfort. No one was expected to have any loving relationship with their wives, or even to have any feelings for them.
Who Does the Wife Submit To?
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
Ephesians 5:22–24
So in this culture there was a question: if there is a paterfamilias, who is the wife to submit to, her father or her husband? Paul says, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands.” Once you’re married, the authority is in your husband, not the father. Verse 22 says to submit to your husband “as unto the Lord.” Wives are not supposed to view their husbands as an extension of God. “As unto the Lord” means that God should be the motivation for the wife’s respect for her husband. It also encourages a woman to be extremely selective about who she marries. She should look for a man who is not just attractive or physically strong, but one she can naturally respect. A woman should never marry a man she would feel uncomfortable following. The husband is the head of the wife, the one who is responsible to God and who must lead the family in following Christ.
Sanctify and Cleanse
That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
Ephesians 5:26–27
Then comes the command to husbands: love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it. A Greek husband would leave his wife to raise the children and would seek love and passion at a temple brothel. Paul is saying, “You’ve been looking for relationships of love outside of your marriage. Love your wives.” The husband is supposed to love his wife unconditionally, even if she doesn’t submit, because Christ loved us before we submitted to Him. Why did Christ give Himself for the church? To sanctify it and to cleanse it. Paul says, “You need to make that woman set apart only for you, and make yourself set apart only for her. You need to make it pure, without spot or wrinkle.” The Ephesians had made their marriages filthy with adultery, and Paul says it’s time to cut it out. Notice that the men have a lot more talking to than the women. The men were the ones with the thick heads who needed a little more instruction. “Love your wives as your own bodies.” You need to cherish your wife, not see her as a convenience. “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.” Everything he says about marriage is the same thing about God and you. Our marriages should speak to the testimony of God’s salvation in our lives.
Parents and Children
The next category is submission between the parent and child. Children, it’s in your best interest to respect your parents, because God will bless you for it: “that it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.” The parent submits to the child by making sure not to provoke the child to wrath. The parent corrects in a way that lifts the child up and doesn’t create resentment, anger, and hatred toward the parent. Instead, the parent brings the child up “in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” I’m thinking of Psalm 23: “The Lord is my shepherd.” The parent is to shepherd the child, not just feeding them biblical knowledge but making sure they are corrected when they stray, and doing so in a way that doesn’t hurt the child’s love of God. This is a delicate balance. I’m not yet a parent, but I can assume it will be a struggle to figure out how much discipline is too much, and when I have gone from nurturing to provoking my child to wrath. I think after a long enough time you will know if resentment builds up against you.
Employers and Employees
Our last group is submission between employer and employee. Once again we see the phrase “as unto Christ.” It’s not talking about just slaves. Verse 8 says “whether he be bond or free.” Bond workers were people who fell into debt to their employer, owing probably a couple of years’ worth of money they could never pay off, so they would write a deal in Roman law to enslave themselves for a number of years to pay off the debt. “Not with eyeservice, as menpleasers.” Christ died for you when you had nothing to offer Him. If you want to show the love of Christ to your employer, you need to do good to him when he has nothing to reward you with. Then the reverse: “Ye masters, do the same things unto them.” What does “forbearing threatening” mean? It means to withhold any threat. If they mess up, don’t yell at them and say, “I’m going to cut your pay next week.” Don’t threaten your employee. “Neither is there respect of persons with him.” God doesn’t have more respect for the CEO of a Fortune 500 company than for the guy working at McDonald’s at 3:00 a.m. just to get by.
Love That Never Fails
Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.
1 Corinthians 13:4–8
So if we’re going to show the love of God, we must have mutual submission to each other, whether that’s a husband to a wife, a wife to a husband, a child to a parent, a parent to a child, a boss to an employee, or an employee to a boss. “Charity never faileth.” In our relationships with others, have we had a love that does not fail? The wife through unconditional respect, and the husband through his unconditional love. It’s not just that the wife should submit but that both should submit to each other.
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