From our Palm Sunday service on April 13, 2025, Ephesians 5:21–6:20. This is part 6 of our Ephesians series, the final message in the series. Watch the full message: Submission & The Armor of God – Ephesians Series #6 on YouTube.
We conclude our series on Ephesians. Last time we talked about walking in love and light. Paul continues with two areas of our spiritual walk: our relationships with others, and our battles against spiritual forces.
Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.
Ephesians 5:21
These passages are often misused to push agendas in the church, so we’re going to look at them as Paul intended them. This is not a one-sided submission. Both groups need to submit to each other in different ways. God wants you to stand firm in your testimony through godly relationships and spiritual defense.
Husbands and Wives
Wives are to place themselves under the authority of their own husbands, not men in general. An unmarried woman does not need to submit to her boyfriend, her fiance or a male best friend. This submission comes only after the covenant has been made, and only within marriage. The Greek word is a military term, “to fall under rank.” The wife submits to the husband, and the husband has guidelines he must follow to hold this honor.
Some would say this refers to a manus marriage, under which a Roman woman submitted absolutely to her husband, and that Paul wrote it only because Romans owned their wives. That isn’t true. Manus marriages belonged to the Roman Republic, not the Empire, and by the first century they were almost nonexistent. Ephesus was the seat of Diana worship, in which women were all considered prophets and so had the say over their husbands. None of them were in manus marriages. If anything, their wives were going crazy telling everybody what to do. Paul even writes that it’s good for women to keep silent, because the former Diana worshipers were yelling prophecy in the middle of the service.
What was more common was a sine manu marriage, in which authority over the wife sat in her father. He could nullify the marriage or even put his daughter to death. Paul is speaking against this. Your marriage is between you and your husband, not you, your husband and your father. That doesn’t mean this isn’t real submission. It really does mean to fall under rank. With only two people who can vote, there would never be a tiebreaker. Scripture gives that vote to the man, because marriage is meant to represent the love of Christ and His relationship with the church. John Chrysostom said that when husband and wife are in harmony, their neighbors smell the sweet fragrance of it, but if the contrary is true, everything is overturned. Submission is God’s solution. This does not mean the wife cannot disagree. The word here is submit, not obey. She submits as long as he is doing what aligns with the will of Christ.
Then Paul tells the husband what he has to do. “Gave himself for it” means literally to hand yourself over. Nourish means to provide for her basic food and health needs. Men, if you’re not providing for your family, you need to man up. Cherish in the Greek is literally the word for “warm,” and it carries the idea of intimacy and security. You can’t say, “I’m putting food on the table. What more do you need?” For a wife to submit, her husband must care for her emotional needs as well.
Jesus literally died for us. This message was preached in Passion Week. A man must be willing to die for his wife and put aside all his pride to protect her. As the master, Jesus washed the disciples’ feet at the last supper, even the feet of Judas, who betrayed Him. If you want to lead the house, lead with service to your wife. Chrysostom said that if your wife should submit to you as the church submits to Christ, you should take the same sacrificial thought for her, even if it is necessary to give your life for her, to be cut into pieces ten thousand times, and not even then will you have done anything like Christ, because He did it for the one who turned her back on Him and hated Him, not by menaces or violence, but by His unwearied affection. The wife surrenders her desire to command by trusting her husband, and the husband surrenders his desire to prioritize what he wants in order to cater to hers. The standard God has set is high.
Parents, Children, and the Workplace
Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
Ephesians 6:1–4
Notice the word “obey.” It doesn’t say wives, obey your husbands. It says submit. With children there is no room for discussion. In the Hebrew concept, there’s no difference between “hear” and “obey.” Your kid can’t say, “I heard what you said.” Merely hearing isn’t good enough. “Honour” in the Greek is an economic word. You’d use it in a store when asking the price of an item: what is its honor, its value? Children are to hold their parents’ input as something priceless. This is “the first commandment with promise.” Long days on the earth means you will prosper in the long run.
“Fathers, provoke not your children to wrath.” “Fathers” in the Greek includes both mothers and fathers. Hebrews 11:23 says Moses was hid three months of his parents, and in the Greek that says “dads.” We know Moses didn’t have two dads. The plural can designate a father and a mother. Don’t antagonize your children. No unreasonable instructions, no unrealistic expectations and no blame-shifting. You can’t sin against your children because you’re in charge. Sin is sin no matter who it’s done to. But “bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” means to discipline and correct them when they need it, in a way that God would approve of.
The next words literally mean slaves and bondmen. Paul presents it as willful submission, as we saw in Philemon: masters are to see their slaves not as someone they own but as a brother in Christ. Be obedient to your earthly masters. As long as your boss isn’t telling you to commit a sin, don’t fight with them. If you’re constantly bucking heads with your boss, you’re hurting the testimony of Christ. “With fear and trembling” isn’t terror. It carries the idea of eagerness. The best way I can illustrate it is my little dog Finn. When I grab his food, he spins around, sits at my command and shakes with anticipation. Be eagerly awaiting your boss’s orders. “Not with eyeservice, as menpleasers”: don’t work all-in only while the boss is watching, then slack off the second he’s out of sight. “With good will” means a positive attitude, not “I hope my boss trips and falls today.” Even if your boss doesn’t give you a promotion, your Father in heaven will notice and He will reward you. It doesn’t go only one way. “Forbearing threatening” means holding back the temptation to threaten the people who work for you. “Your Master also is in heaven; neither is there respect of persons with him.” If you abuse your power, you’ve got His wrath coming your way. Treat your employees well, and be as patient with them as God is with you.
The Armor of God
God has given us a big challenge already, but He doesn’t leave us alone.
Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might. Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
Ephesians 6:10–12
The key word is ability, and the ability does not come from us. It’s “the whole armor of God.” He made it. It’s a gift from God. If you’re fighting with people in this world, you’re fighting the wrong battle. “The rulers of the darkness of this world” is literally the cosmic rulers of the darkness of this age. There are fallen angels who want nothing more than to turn humanity against itself so that more of us burn in hell with them. Don’t fall into the temptation to fight your human siblings. If you fight the wrong battle, people will burn for all eternity.
Every single piece of this armor comes from an Old Testament passage about Jesus Christ or God the Father. “Having done all, to stand” means that when the dust settles, the demons will still find us standing. The belt of truth comes from Isaiah 11:5. The breastplate of righteousness and the helmet of salvation come from Isaiah 59. The helmet is worded in the Greek as a gift, because salvation itself is a gift. Feet shod with the gospel of peace come from Isaiah 52:7. The shield of faith comes from Psalm 18:30. The shield described here is the Roman centurion’s shield, about two feet by four feet, made so you can kneel and have it cover your entire body. By putting up the shield, all the flaming darts would stick in it, and not one would hit you. Nothing can defeat us unless we pull the shield to the side. The sword of the Spirit, the word of God, comes from Isaiah 49:2. Don’t just wear your armor. Pray consistently for everyone else that they put it on as well, and that they are spiritually enabled to spread the gospel.
Submission is not a sign of weakness but a declaration of our trust in the Lord. Wives are called to submit and trust. Husbands are to lead in sacrificial love. Children are to obey and honor, and parents are to raise them with patience and instruction. When opposition comes, we are not left defenseless. We’re handed God’s armor, we can stand firm, not by our own ability but by the ability and power God has given us. God wants you to stand firm in your testimony through godly relationships and spiritual defense. Will you stand firm?
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